By Susan Grant-Suttie

No.  That word is powerful.  Practise saying it out loud.  No.  Say it with firmly.  No.

I had a fellow teacher who decided in my first full-time-temporary-on-track-to-permanent contract that I was on her hit list.  There I was young and eager and hopeful. Thinking back, I did nothing to induce this toxic behaviour from her, but it was aimed at me.  Worse, she co-opted the rest of the grade team to participate and finally deputised the youngest teacher on our team to do her dirty work.  Two examples of her venomous work included ‘stand-up’ grade team meetings, you know those five minute meetings that were unplanned until the last minute, they seemed to happen often without me being invited and being so spontaneous – there were no notes necessary of the meeting.  All of our doors met at the end of the hall.  All but myself were in the hallway and I was in my class marking after school.  My door flung open and she tossed her head in stating that the team had made a decision and they thought they would let me know.  Regardless of what the decision was, and I remember I would have agreed, the point was I was not included in the decision.  Another time was when we were having a round table discussion with the principal.  I sat on his left, she on his right.  When the principal looked at me, the bully was met with the back of his head so he could not see her facial expressions but I could.  The eyeball rolling, the exasperated looks, the head shaking, the pursed lips, she mastered all the negative non-verbal responses.  Of course the team saw it and went along with her choices when it came to discussion. 

This was my first year and I did not want to rock the boat.  On the other hand, neither did I want to crumble or quit.  I sought out advice from trustworthy people.  I would recommend the same for anyone in that situation. I like a clear plan with two or three paths in case plan A does not work.  

1. I looked for a trustworthy staff member who knew this staff member, there can be some better understanding as to your own position if you have some background.  In my case we were both new.  So I went to my union manual to find out how to handle the situation.  And if you are in a very small school, I would recommend the union agreement or policy book as the first guide.  
2. Write everything down; enablers, time, date, situation – everything.  But I would also note the good interactions as well.  Then comes the ‘but I am overwhelmed at work as it is.”  Make a decision – is this short term pain worth long term gain?
3. The next time you sense the situation has turned into a bullying situation, use the most powerful word in the language.  “No.”  State that word loud and clear and if you are given the time to explain, state why it is no and if you have an alternative, bring it up, if you don’t state it would be better addressed in a group meeting, or at a later date.  Here is where there may be an end to the bullying because you stood up for yourself.  If not, continue to gather your notes, it may only be a reprieve but it could also mean it is over.  Some bullies back down when you have proven yourself. But – some don’t.
4. If it is still ongoing – make an appointment with that person if it continues after you stood up for yourself. You will need all the guts you can gather, but instead of thinking about that uncomfortable conversation, think of it as gathering more proof to lay at the administrator’s/principal’s feet.  You followed through as to what they would ask you to do anyhow.  Be one step ahead.
5. With proof (and yes this may take some time), go to the union representative/HR person/administrator that can be of assistance in your school.  Bring your proof and ask for advice on how to handle the situation.  Put that superior into the position of being the hero if you follow their provided steps.  In most cases, there may be a change in the next school year, so you’ll have to be patient.  That teacher may be moved to the school librarian position, as an example.

In my case, I followed all the above and then walked into the staff room to find my grade team and now the gym teacher listening, throwing me under the bus while I was out of the room. Speaking poorly of a teacher without them present was against our union/school rules.  I remembered that rule and mentioned it to them.  That bully turned to her deputy and lifted her chin a couple of times as if to encourage her to speak up, and the youngest deputy did, her 24 year old sidekick started to go down a list of class management skills and teaching techniques I abided by that they were discussing and disagreed with.  “There,” the bully said, “as per the union rule, no one here is talking behind your back.”   What did I do? Admittedly I was flustered and walked out. I thought it the better choice as my mouth may have run off without the brain.

6. Next was the appointment with the bully.  Here is where preparation has to be carefully practised.  Practise the phrases “When this happened….I felt…I would appreciate…I work better when…this is my responsibility and I expect this to be respected as a fellow teacher.” Avoid the ‘you’ phrases. In this particular case, you would be better off to have a witness with you, therefore advise the bully of the witness who would be joining you.  They may have one as well.  And, advise the bully that you have a book of notes and will continue on this path of note taking and reconciliation of the issue until you feel comfortable again.  
7. Again, there may be a respite.  Continue to take notes and be as professional as you can be.  If it continues, this is where you invite your union, your HR, or administration to intervene and show them the steps you have taken.  Obviously there is nothing you can do to stop this person.

My Plan B

Quit. (Well – that was my only plan at that point. I was young.)  You are worth so much more than working in a toxic workplace.  It can chip away at your health. You do have other options.

What happened to the bully in this situation? This particular person was moved the following year to a position that did not involve any grade teams and down to half time.  Although it never advanced to a union complaint, somehow the news reached the administration office and our team was, thankfully, split up. The year after that, she was gone.  After she left, while digging into my computer to find a lost file, I discovered this bully had been in my computer.  I am presuming it was an innocent mistake because nothing changed on my computer and nothing could be used against me.  It must have been during one of our professional development days in the school and our computers were mixed up – I remember leaving my computer open that one and only time.  I found a letter she was sending to a family member that she sent from my computer.  It was about how her father had abused her as a child and he was an alcoholic and therefore that is why she was not attending a particular family event with him there.  This did not excuse her behaviour, but it did explain a lot.

Did I quit?  No, but I did change campuses to escape the weak deputies because I believed in my administration, at that time, but not that staff.  You will note in this story, the gym teacher never stopped the gossip in my presence nor did anyone come to me with support when I knew full well there was negative talk.

What happened to her?  Last I heard she was working with the Salvation Army in a kindergarten room with behaviourally challenged children. What happened to the team as a whole – I was the only one left after a few years. I neither crumbled nor quit in the face of a bully. I recommend you do the same because there is always another bully around the next new year. When do I recommend quitting as a first option? When there is nepotism – you can’t fight that.

Stay strong my fellow educators – stay strong. Click below for more info.